Ser Gilmore Injured
by ipegasus
Summary: A short one-shot background stint revisiting an event from the Blight.


Night had settled in once again as this made up group of fighters finally found themselves at camp once more. It had been a rather eventful if not a happy reunion for Tara to find herself once more in the company of an old friend. However, his reluctance to talk about the recent past left her feeling rejected and unable to think much about sleeping. Tara found that she was being haunted not only by the last memories she will ever have of her dear parents but now, she was riddled with guilt over the price paid by those she felt forced to leave behind.

It really was to no avail, believing that she alone could have turned the tide at Highever. Not without reinforcements at that hour and who was there to bring them any aid? Their closest ally had betrayed them. How he was able to turn so many against them? It was too agonizing to ponder. Still she might have been able to meet up with Fergus' party and turn them back to at least save some of the people living within the castle? But Duncan was so severe. Determined that his cause far outweighed even the fall of her families honor. This she found very difficult to stomach. Especially when things grew quiet here at camp. Many of Howe's men were friends of the family. How could these same men raise their swords against their own neighbors without a just cause?

They all seemed to be carrying some kind of troubles each of them along with them during these trying days she tried to remind herself of this. Thousands were already dying because of this cursed Blight. Somehow she must find a place to put her personal vendettas aside so that she can intelligently deal with the bigger problem facing all of their people right now. But it was so hard to do in reality. Seeing Rory here, of all the people in the world, was just enough to put her otherwise balanced logic out of balance. She was so grateful that he did survive but what was he holding back from her? Why was he behaving this way with her? Had they both been so changed because of their circumstances that now they must approach each other as strangers who had barely even met? This thought troubled her mind to such an extent she could make no peace with it at all.

Disillusionment was what was tearing at her skin. The pain just clinging to her bones like pieces of chewed, gnawed up sinew that refused to be separated from it's parts. She had fought. Yes, fought hard alongside her mother but obviously not killing enough to make a difference in the fight. How harrowing it was, but then, in the heat of things she did not have time, such as she did now, to ponder who fell by her sword or bow. Only that they must be stopped or her loved ones would all perish. Now, she had too much time to think about who those people were. How soldiers can turn so sorely against you without even a provocation to do so? How could they have done to Roland such terrible, awful, things? Roland was a good and loyal soldier in her father's service. Many of Howe's men knew the Knights of Highever and they socialized often. Surely, had the tide been turned, one at least would hesitate before committing such a wrong against another whose duty put him into a place of service as was a soldiers calling? There was no comfort to be found or explanation for the actions of Howe's forces on that day. Unfortunately, reality, proved to be something painfully bitter.

She had finally finished up with her chores to make her way over to her tent. Once inside she gathered up the spare bandages and ointments she felt might be of some use in the task ahead. It was still stinging, how off put Rory was when she asked him about his wounds. Tara wasn't sure if it was pride or shame over the battles final outcome that made him so defensive? Whatever the case might be she was determined to come to his aid, no matter how resentful or mean he meant to treat her. The past is the past she reasoned with herself remembering the words she had once heard spoken to her from her father. What matters now is the present. We mustn't let the past waylay the good works that the future can bring. Looking now over to where she had carefully arranged her suit of armor she wondered if maybe she might have taken it off too hastily? Rory can be very stubborn. Especially if his pride is more hurt than his body. Though from the looks of things, she sincerely doubted that at all. He must give in. Even if she was forced to pull rank on him to allow her to offer whatever help she could to make things better. He was a Lieutenant of Highever. Never would the ladies of her castle ever shirk from their duty to mend any of those who stood up in defense of its' power and glorious colors.

All of that aside, she knew his sacrifice saved her life. No matter how much he bellowed, she is in his debt and she meant to pay it in full. So, gathering up more than her basket, her courage as well, she rose to confront one whom she feared was going to be yet another of her enemies.

"Excuse me? Roland? Can I see you please?"

"What can I do for you my Lady?" He asked her out of force of habit.

"Oh, I think, considering our circumstances, perhaps we needn't be so formal."

"Are you certain? I do understand this Grey Warden credo but that does not completely rob you of your place and title now, does it?"

"I'm…well…I'm really not sure, Rory? Or must I still call you Ser Gilmore?"

"No, please. All right, I concede. Unless circumstances demand we behave more politely."

"Thank you. You may call me Tara. If you started to call me by my title people here would see you as my servant instead of the hero you truly are.

"In all respects, I am still your servant, unless you have come here to release me from your service? I would understand of course if you felt compelled to do so. Under these circumstances, of course."

"I don't really know if I have that choice? I believe my castle, along with our other holdings, have been given, taken, stolen, take your pick, to that traitorous Howe. I do not know if that reduces my rank or not?" She fidgeted now with a clothe she had used to cover the contents in her basket as she said this.

"I don't believe, unless you are formally denounced in front of a King, that such a thing can transpire, my Lady. It matters not to me. I serve you gladly for as long as you will have me. Your brother also if he is still with us."

"It is in the hands of Andraste, so mother would say. I myself, well, wish for a more compassionate fate for my brother. Once he hears the news, I can only imagine the weight of his grief. I find little place for my own when comparing it to what he has lost so far."

"So, its' true than? You saw with your own eyes? The Lady Oriana and Oren are no more?"

"Yes, mother and I found them when we had hoped to be their rescuers. Poor mother. She fell to the floor in such sorrow. Only her anger, our anger, gave us the strength to rise and seek vengeance. How anyone could strike at such innocence?"

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you upset. There is no excuse. For any of the crimes Howe and his men enacted at Highever. I will get my revenge."

"You mean, "we", right? I welcome your sword gladly in our fight against the Blight. I will be just as eager to have you join me in my setting things right here in Fereldon. Or I will die trying."

"My Lady.."

"Tara, please?"

"Very well but do not always reprimand me if I slip once in awhile. All of this will take some getting use to."

"So long as you try your best not to bow or call me by my titled name. I get enough chain pulling around here as it is. I didn't come here though to discuss how you should now be addressing me."

"Really? Than why did you want to speak with me?"

"It's, well, …now don't get angry with me. If I must be patient about my own name surely you can understand why I feel I am ..well, obligated sounds so impersonal, doesn't it? More than anything, you have been my friend for a very long time."

"I have. What am I to get angry about than? Just to make sure I catch my cue?" He grinned back at her and she felt a wave of emotion hit her hard enough that she had to turn away from his intense gaze.

"Oh, Rory, why must you always put me on edge? I merely, well, it's your injuries…"

"Please, I asked you to let me be with that. Don't trouble yourself."

"Trouble myself? It is no trouble at all!"

"Good than you may go back to your tent and get a good nights rest."

"I will not! I mean, I cannot. How am I suppose to rest when I know you are suffering so much?"

"I appreciate your concern. All wounds heal in time, milady…uhm…Tara. There I said it so good night."

"No."

"No? What more is the matter than?"

"No Lady of Highever would have left a soldier of the order to suffer so grievous an injury unattended. Do you believe me to be so selfish? Or insensitive to the needs of others?"

"I ..well…I know you speak truly. As far as I can tell, everything is healing properly enough. What more can be done with it?"

"If you would at least let me have a better look, I can determine what has already been accomplished. Than I will see if anything else can be done to speed along your healing."

"It really isn't necessary, I assure you."

"Have you suddenly grown shy, Ser Gilmore?"

"No, and have you suddenly given up on using my given name?"

"No. Of course not. Than again calling you anything but Rory seems, foreign to me in general."

"I haven't heard that in some time now."

"Do you mind?"

"From you? I will tolerate it. Considering all that you have come through so far."

"Thank you for your kindness. Now, if you would just let me help you with this tunic, I brought all sorts of things that should help you heal without too much scarring."

"Must you? Why do I know you won't give up?"

"Because I won't and it is best to just allow me this one thing to aid you. Already, you have gone above and beyond the service of our people."

"I pledged my life, my Lady. I have done much less than many of my brother's in arms have done in my stead."

"You have lived to fight another day. Those of us who survived owe a debt to those who gave their lives to keep us free."

"Fair enough. It is just a little uncomfortable. I'm sure for you as well, to be left doing this for me."

"Perhaps. Would you be more comfortable if I called in Alistair instead? Or maybe Morrigan? She doesn't seem to be much of a healer but I have been surprised and impressed with the things she has shown me thus far."

"Oh, no, never mind. I can't say I am very impressed with your methods of coercing me to follow your will."

"I suppose I could improve on those things in time. The…well…urgency of your situation … demands …. that I tend to you now and not put this off any longer. So stop being so stubborn. I can see you are obviously in a lot of pain."

"It has eased much the last few days."

"I doubt it has much. Especially since you were so adamant on hiding it from me. It does hurt my feelings, thinking you didn't want me to help you."

"You would so eagerly come to me for help?"

"It depends. I ..uhm…I would want to but you scare me sometimes."

"I? Scare you? How so? I can't imagine when I could have been so cruel."

"There were times. Maybe not on purpose but it is more my own doing than yours. What you say to me, matters more perhaps than what others might joke about. It could just be my lack of humor at times."

"You can be so serious but I do not see that so much as a flaw. More as a concerned gesture. There is a time and place for everything. It is easy to find yourself in a jolly mood so much so that you don't immediately see that your friend might be suffering an unsuspected loss. It is not cruelty. Only ignorance, I assure you."

"I know. Sometimes the nerves are so raw, anything that might scratch them is more than a soul can bear in the moment. Here now, if you can find a comfortable position to lay on your stomach, I can tend to these, oh ..my ..terrible wounds."

"Please, I really rather spare you all of this. It isn't your doing. You needn't take the blame for any of it. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure of nothing else right now. I only wish I could have taken your place. It was our title and land Howe wanted. Why he had to decimate so many good, honest, people, makes no sense to me." She told him as she ran a warm cloth tenderly across his slash scared back.

"Our loyalty was to the teryn. To let us live would put their own lives at risk. This is the basic understanding in any battle for supremacy. Rape and pillaging however is the creed of barbarians. That is simply intolerable. The same would go for you, my Lady. Granted, they would have had to send a small army just for you but in time, you would grow weak and be overtaken. Because of your rank and title it was imperative that you be taken out of the fight. If you were captured, don't you see? Even if they did not harm you right away, they would force you into a marriage or something even worse using your people as hostages against your will? Could any parent who loved their child leave them to the dogs of treason? No my Lady. As if any of the regimen would allow you to surrender in their stead. Even our most selfish or jealous of men would not. Trust me, my Lady, what they would have done to you would have paled to what they did to me."

"Maybe I would have been worth a ransom?"

"Surely you would have been. To many men no doubt. That unfortunately may have spared you your life but what sort of life would you be forced to lead? You are strong. Very stubborn. How you could submit to any man in hopes of manipulating him when even power couldn't tempt you to marry in the past nor wealth or comfort? We all know many men sought your hand in marriage but you welcomed none or was tempted away by neither charm, wit. wealth or authority. How would you endure being forced into such an agreement?"

"What makes you think I would ever allow myself to be captured? I know all that you are speaking to me of!"

"My Lady, they captured me. I know you are strong of mind and of body but you are still not a man. Their forces were overwhelming. Their intent wasn't to capture any of us but to slaughter us all. You? Very few of them probably even knew you or might have recognized you dressed in armor. If they did not kill you first, once it was discovered you were a woman, your fate would be sealed. If any of them realized who you were, aye, they may refrain from initially harming you for the price of your pretty head. If you were recognized and if, …oh, Maker!"

"What? What is wrong, Rory? Are you in pain?"

"Some pain is worse than any sword or whip can gouge. The pain in my head is already bad enough. I do not want to even think of you at the hands of any Howe, real or imagined. Please, my Lady, you were, are, greatly admired. For your beauty if not so much for your temperament."

"You are too kind but I do believe it is my temperament that lingered the most in the eyes of my would be suitors."

"That is difficult to say? You are discounting what some men are willing to pay to possess something so fine. The highest bidder though would probably expect your hand in marriage as a reward."

"I suppose you are right. That would have been an added victory to Rendon Howe to be sure. Though he brought up his son when we spoke last with my father."

"Would you have even submitted to such an arrangement? If it was even offered to you, that is? Did you ever have an interest in his son, in that regard?"

"Never. Not in the slightest. Than again…I would have to think of my people first? What kind of arrangement would that be? He seemed like a nice enough boy but still a boy and hardly one that could compare…to anyone I would seriously…be.. attracted to. I would try to use that to my advantage maybe? If the temptation to murder his whole family could ever be overcome. I don't see how any such arrangement would ever have any hope of consummation? Unless…I could turn the son against his father?"

"Interesting. Knowing you as I do, I don't see how you would be able to last in their presence long enough. It takes some time before laying out and putting such an elaborate plot into action? More than likely, he would make advances toward you and you would just murder the young man. Even if you succeeded with your resistance, you would be too vulnerable to be abused by others. You see, my Lady, most tyrants do not find it safe to harbor murderous assassins. Even the female kind. They would torment you like nothing you could ever imagine. Still, even the idea of your being able to manipulate even Howe's son without complete submission?" Pausing he tried to calculate Tara's chance of success in hiding her true feelings from these monsters? He just doubted she had enough patience to carry it all off without raising their doubts in her loyalty.

"I don't doubt your bravery. Even when I did, you still astonished me with your stubbornness and will to defy anyone or anything that got in the way of getting something you really wanted. Well, most of the time. Still, even you are not so foolish to believe you could have fought that invasion entirely on your own. You can pretend that you could have outwit men such as these even when captured but you know, how stacked the deck would be against you. The best and only promising option that you really had was to leave the fight and build your own means of attack. We all knew we had to make that possible. Had I been the Captain of the Guards, things might have gone differently? The castle was left too vulnerable. The men would follow my orders but with your father there, they still looked to him for guidance. Once he was wounded though, well, of course all I could think of was getting your family out of the castle. Apparently, the guards I sent to retrieve the rest of the royal family were ambushed. I didn't know this until I saw your face. The castle was already being infiltrated. Chances are men were hidden away or turned against us before the Arl's initial visit to your home.

Would that things like this were planned out for. You see, Tara, once it was discovered how we felt for each other and your father banned me from running any affairs within the castle, I had only my opinion to offer. Though Fergus refused to give me up as his second, my promotion to Captain was denied me. I knew, it would take a lot to convince your parents that they could ever trust me again with that responsibility."

"Yes, that I understand. Why did you stay on than? If you felt your future was being denied to you because of me?"

"It all happened so quickly…I needed time to think. For awhile, I felt that I could win back their trust. Most of all, I feared for their safety. For your safety. After the first couple of years though, I could see that you still resisted getting married. By than, I even feared that if you never relented, your own future would be in danger. I know you think you can protect yourself. This is true but it is still best that you marry someone for your own protection at least? Your brother had his hands full with his own family. For you to give all of that up, over me? Hurt even more. So when Swindon mentioned that the Grey Wardens were said to be out recruiting, it seemed that I could join the order, thus covering my leaving Highever not so much in shame but to enlist in an even higher honor than merely a Captain of the Guards. It would spare my father any more grief over my past behavior."

"But you could have married yourself? You seem so intent on worrying about me when I could have lived well enough as an old spinster? Oren and I would have some fun. Maybe I could not even bare children at all? You know all I wanted to do was to be a knight. In time, that too might have come true? If I survived my parents, I see no reason why Fergus wouldn't just send me out to get me out of his hair."

"I tried thinking as you suggested at first. But it wasn't working. It seems once you have fallen in love with a princess, it is difficult for any other woman to have to measure up to."

"Oh, please! Don't play me for the fool! And you call me stubborn? Why, I was quite content eating wild berries and tree nuts. Apples right off of the branches! And how many times, was I left to have to either scrub my own forest clothes clean in the river? Just like any old washer woman ever did since prancing around the forest in a fine dress would have surely be torn to shreds and you know how my mother was for that!"

"I heard enough of it from you, to last me a lifetime!"

"See? So how could you seriously make the claim that no other woman was like me?"

"I don't know? They didn't pick up a sword to do battle? Now that you have to admit was not common at all, even in a barmaid."

"I wouldn't know, to be honest with you? I didn't really have any of them as friends growing up. Tis a pity now that I think about it? But than if they dared to tell me girls didn't know how to fight, I might have felt I had my honor to defend."

"And when one swings a broom or mop in your direction you cut them down so low, such friendships are hard to maintain in the aftermath? Girls don't often befriend other girls who behave too much like boys.

Hah! What patience did you even own? Such a temper you had and how easily it was to rouse. Especially in a fight!"

"I know but I had to fight for everything that mattered much to me. You know it took a lot of begging, pleading and even stomping my feet to even be able to train with the boys. It really wasn't until I did beat a boy down with just a broom that mother decided it might be best that I get some proper training. Father laughed and said if I could beat a boy almost four years older than me without any formal training, than what could I do if given a few lessons in time? I reasoned that I had the right to fight and defend myself. I mean, what if bandits tried to steal me or snuck up on me by surprise? Was I suppose to just stick my tongue out and pull their hair? Can't I have at least some dignity? Mother couldn't argue much with that. Father said the guards dreaded having to watch over me since I found it to be a game to try and ditch them, often losing them in the forest leaving them to have to find their own way back home. So really, he felt the only chance I had to survive and ever becoming an adult was to teach me simple fighting tactics. Phew! That was a lot of work to have to go through for something that seemed so obvious to me!"

"Both of your parents just thought you were trying to compete with your brother for attention. Even though let's face it, except for Cece, you didn't really have many girls to play with? Even than, no one could keep you from that drive that compelled you to want to explore everywhere. Let's see, now, what would you say to me when you got so high and mighty? Ah, yes, "if it's my land, my territory, don't I have a right, a responsibility, to know where everything is? Or how am I suppose to know if anything is out of place or not in it's rightful order if I don't know where everything belongs in the first place?" You always could present a good argument. Not that your parents often agreed with you."

"More like they could hardly stop me if they wanted to get any of their own work finished. Besides, even when I got into trouble, I could always find a way out of it."

"Thanks to me, that is."

"You are giving yourself way too much credit."

"No, I'm not. I did have to learn how to make suggestions the right way or you would argue the facts for so long, we would surely have drowned or been eaten by ravaging wolves."

"Seriously? Ravaging wolves? One, maybe even two at the most. You are not giving me any credit that I would have come up with the same idea you did, given enough time to think about it."

"If you didn't drown in the process. I didn't mind. What else was I to do with my free time? I had no family nearby to visit. Shining boots and listening to old men tell stories is only interesting on the first go around. Swindon, just wanted to read. Not much for swimming and thought girls, at that time, only caused more trouble. Granted, I could never win that disagreement but I was use to prowling in the forest. How could you hunt out your enemies in the wilds if you didn't understand the terrain, right? I mean I like to read too but there just isn't enough books written yet on the subjects I cared most about so I just had to see it for myself right?"

"You never liked to follow much, I remember that. That is what made you a good leader and why my brother trusted you so much. Even with his back and very few men could be trusted when you are the heir of a teryn."

"At least he didn't have brothers clawing at his back or plotting for his seat. Sometimes he looked at you and than later even at me, wondering how much he should really trust us."

"Honestly? What a waste of his time. I suppose when he figured out what was going on between us, someone must have brilliantly deduced that we had some evil plot to put him down."

"Yes, unfortunately, that is true. Probably Crawford. He eyed the same post as I did but he didn't have the drive or intelligence, really the bravery, the brawn, to achieve it. He squandered what he did have on plotting instead of focusing on what our purpose was, to learn the territory and define the best strategies for our defense. As well as our offense. Still, based mostly on his loyalty to service, your father reluctantly promoted him instead of me. A harsh slap in the face for defying his strict orders to stay away from you. I really felt it too. In too many ways. So you see, even if I picked a girl and pretended I was in love, my restlessness would drive me mad. I had no other option left but to leave Highever for good. This too, hurt us in our last battle since, I was choking under Crawford's paw and restless to be elsewhere, I wasn't really focused on what was going on as much around the castle."

"I guess neither of us were at the time, were we? Looking at things closer, I can see how our own inner turmoil left us weak and vulnerable for such an attack. He just needed a distraction to make his conquest complete.

So do you really think that I wasn't capable of out witting Howe if I was ever captured? Never would I submit to a Howe! I'd have ended my own life. Let them ravage my corpse but never would any of them have me!"

"Perish the thought…I just mean be reasonable, please? Your parents made what was the wisest of moves. It was likely Howe might have forced you to marry his son in exchange for our lives. If you dared to openly defy his reasoning? Bound up, it is difficult to use any weapon under such constraints."

"I am not that foolish. Of course I would play the game until I knew I could win. But we are speaking now, after the fact. Chances were, if I was not murdered in the fight, I would have escaped. Even if I agreed to marry Nathaniel, it would not have spared your lives for long. For after the fact, he would kill any who he would think could be a threat to his reign. Such plotting takes years to succeed. I may be fierce and strong and swift in a battle but I fear, my heart, is my weakest organ. Now, only as a Grey Warden, do I feel I can shed my past, by transforming into something else. The me I was, was,… already dying. Howe just laid down that final blow that severed my ties to all that once held me back.

"But what if your brother still lives? Will you not go back at all? Have you abandoned all of your ties to Highever, forever?"

"If Fergus still lives, Highever, is his reign, not mine. I will raise my sword in his defense but it will be as a Grey Warden. Not as some lofty princess instead. That life seems so dead to me now. Even if Fergus did not overcome, I will see Howe dead. If the Blight doesn't deal with him first. All he has really done is weaken our defenses even more. As much as it would please me to see the darkspawn, gnawing on his bones and that of his kin, I must first see that the rest of the good people not be so consumed likewise. Alistair is sure, our fighting will bring us once more to face our enemies. Let's face it. I doubt I will have to look too hard for the man because surely, he is hunting for me? Best that we stay on purpose, lest we miss one another in the crossing, right?"

"He is not a man to be trusted any longer. It was best that you escaped. I'm not so sure that your becoming a full Grey Warden was the answer to our problems but at least your sentiments and the outcome of our losing Highever in the end, regrettably, are understandable. Are you feeling well enough yourself? It wouldn't hurt for you to get some sleep since you're not on watch tonight. I don't mean to rush you but I do feel uncomfortable having you fuss so much over me."

"Are you so anxious to see me leave?"

"I ..just…I …don't want to keep you."

"I have nothing better to do so please do not worry yourself over this. You know that you mean a great deal to me. ..what is it? Am I bothering you that much?"

"No, well…no ..go on ..I'm sorry for interrupting you."

"… to know you have suffered so much, I only hesitate because my anger, ….is a little jarring right now. I also don't want to make the pain worse than I have to."

"Thank you for that concern at least. I'm not a baby. I will not start crying because medicines sting, I promise you."

"I didn't expect that you would. Too much as it were. I really want to do something about all of this. I'm afraid I will suffer from nightmares about it all until I know Howe is put miserably to his end. Every day that he lives, is a knife in my back."

"Yes, of course. For too many of us, dear Lady. Have you any news of Fergus yet?"

"I have none. I cannot tell you how many times I imagined myself summoning someone to the task only to have to remind myself, I have no one left who is up to it. I…was a part of … the slaughter in Ostagar, high up in the Tower of Ishal. Alistair and I were both disheartened when Duncan sent us on what we imagined to be a servant's errand only to encounter a large hoard of darkspawn. Than, a powerful Orc. The first one I had ever seen. We did have a mage and of course, Beowulf was with me He was so brave, Rory, you should have seen him in battle. He was wonderful. Though we barely made it out of there alive."

"How did you survive than? Ostagar, so I was told, was overrun with darkspawn. I was just not sure what happened or if you were a part of all of that fighting. Than the news…well…that the Grey Warden's were part of a betrayal? I refused to believe it. Especially after what I witnessed at Highever. I was sure betrayal played an even bigger part in the entire mess. Word that Howe was working with Loghain further fed my suspicions. Surely the world was going mad and I unfortunately was going to have to live to witness it."

"It has but we will make it right again. Or else die trying. If I fail, at least I will not have to see more of the suffering any longer."

"You are not alone, Tara. Good or bad, right or wrong, I have survived for a reason. I would like to hope it was to help you regain what was wrongly stolen from your family."

"No longer are you in service to me or my family."

"What?" He managed to painfully turn partially to his side to look her face to face. "You are releasing me from my oath? Why? What have I done?"

"Nothing. I mean, nothing is wrong at all. Please relax and lie back down. It is just that the House of Cousland, at this point, does not exist. How can I bind you to our family when all that we had has now ceased to be? You are free to live as you choose."

"I…please don't do this, uhm…Tara. Don't give up like this! We both know that what happened at Highever is the result of a vicious coup. Even if you insist on releasing me I still want to be of service to you. In whatever means you can tolerate me by."

"It isn't your duty any longer to do so. You are so injured. I am astonished that you have been able to hide your pain so well. If anything, I feel like a failure to have waited this long to confront you more about it."

"I can't see why you would say this? Especially if what you just said is to be true … Perhaps, than, it is no longer be my responsibility to protect you. You have done amazingly well on your own it appears. However, you will need my aid to defeat Howe and his men. If you prefer that I seek him out on my own, so be it. I will not abide though with any thoughts of your seeking him out on your own."

"I am not alone here. These people here, are my allies if not my friends ever so much."

"That is my point. I ..am… not… sure … of your relationship with Alistair." He hesitated in his speech to try to judge her reaction to his words carefully. Taking in the uneasiness that crossed her face before continuing his conversation, "It really is none of my affair. I understand this and I am not prying please my Lady. I just do not feel he is qualified or knowledgeable enough to take on someone like Howe. Howe has become ruthless. A savage. A beast that must be conquered and eliminated. Along with any of those who so wrongly supported his unjust cause. I would not put my life, let alone your own, into Alistair's hands in any event. Your parents would haunt me until I was dead. Than only a hellish afterlife would await me for such a dishonorable failure in judgment if I left you only in his hands for a defense."

Tara noticed how Rory still felt challenged by the thought of any other male in her service. It would be almost amusing to play with his innate jealousy but she just felt it was misplaced here. No longer were they together and it was out of place for him to play the strutting rooster when it was he who gave up so willingly the fight to have it all. He broke their alliance and she was left to the mercy of her parents. Either way, Alistair was her friend so she was not going to let even Rory trample too much on an already suffering soul. It was insensitive for him to behave in such a disrespectful manner. "Such the gallant soldier you are, Ser Gilmore. I have always admired your courage and devotion to our family. It is out of place to think so poorly of Alistair however. Your assessment of him comes across as too trite. He is very brave and does not fall to pieces in a battle as some men often do. Though honestly, it is only in myself that I put all of my trust into these trying days. I am so grateful to have the people that I do have fighting besides me. It is hardly enough though to take on the Blight but we are just getting started.

You asked how did Alistair and I survive, Ostagar? I'm afraid the tale is, rather, hard to believe. Since I was left unconscious in the end, I only have what Morrigan detailed to us to use as a reference."

"Morrigan? The Witch? How does she play into all of this?"

"Such name calling? You don't trust her much do you?"

"Is this going to take much longer? The answer of course is no but should I? I hardly know her and she isn't very friendly."

"Should she be…to you? I'm trying to do this and answer your questions, so be more patient. It was moreso her mother who rescued us. We, Alistair and I, were sent to light the beacon to alert Loghain's troops to enter into the battle. It was suppose to be a simple task that we were anxious to get past so that we could rejoin Duncan and the rest of the Grey Wardens in battle.

As it turned out, we were greeted by an over-ran tower and organized groups of darkspawn to have to mow through. A Tower mage joined us before we entered and we were very grateful to have the man along. Apparently though, I doubt he survived. We fought our way bravely up to the Tower's peak only to encounter, as I mentioned, this monstrous Orc. Despite how intimidated we all felt in taking on such a creature, not to mention our shock to see such a thing in such a place, we defeated it. I lit the beacon only to be once again overwhelmed by a group of darkspawn. There were ever so many of these creatures! I just couldn't reason out how something like this could have gone unchecked for so long?"

"Did Duncan explain any of this to you? I too have wondered how such creatures, so well known to our people and especially that of the Grey Warden's were allowed to accumulate in such a way? Surely they must have suspected an uprising eventually?"

"I would expect that they would. Yet, it has been so long since the last plague, people stopped talking about the darkspawn as it were. I only heard mention of such things and never in much detail. I'm afraid though, I was, as you must recall, recruited on such short notice. We had little time to actually speak. What I have learned has been in bits and pieces when Alistair was able to talk more about it."

"What is his trouble than? He seems rather dense and though he has trained as a Grey Warden and was a Templar to boot? He hardly fit's the description I was given of a noble elite fighter, whose reputation far exceeded even that of the best trained soldier at arms."

"You judge him unfairly, Rory. He has only been a Grey Warden for barely a year. I know almost nothing about Templars except that they hunt fugitive Mages somewhere out in the wilds and stand guard over the Temples. What few I have encountered were polite enough but hardly much of a conversationalist. Father would just ask me to let them be. It was not my place to insist that they answer whatever curious questions came to my mind.

I was just wondering about Mages. How did Templars keep them in line and what methods did they use to keep order? Really they often looked so bored. Granted a few even seemed, rather, lost or unable to really focus on anything I had to ask of them. I found that rather annoying as a child."

"And did you discover why that is in your obviously obsessive quest for answers."

"I did but not until Alistair and I spoke more. They take lyrium to better sense and fight apostates. I would have never guessed such a thing? Did you know this?"

"I have heard such a thing. We encounter them from time to time. Very rarely in a tavern but along the road. When the Teryn's duty took him to converse over Chantry duties and what not. The lyruim seems to make them, well, behave as simple, not so astounding, old men. It seemed almost a waste of what could be a talented fighter. Their dabbling in the dark arts themselves though? Is that right?"

"It seems the only effective why to hunt down rogue mages? I cannot say I approve of the practice as it stands. Every person deserves an opportunity to defend themselves and to know what charges are being brought up against them."

"Of course, unless they are caught in an act of disobedience and must be stopped immediately."

"Yes, of course. We are in full agreement on that. I could only imagine our asking one of the darkspawn to present us with an understandable objection as to why we should not continue pursuing their elimination. They are vile and disgusting creatures."

"Interesting to find out that lyrium is so promoted among Templars. So is that why Alistair appears to be …more simple or is it more silly, even childish, when confronted with even the most simplest of inquiries?"

"Must you be so harsh? It seems to me that he uses humor to protect himself, emotionally. He's an orphan as it would seem. He fancies himself, "raised by wolves", I know such childishness, but apparently, the truth is too painful to bear. We do owe it to him to try to be more compassionate. I know that may be hard for you to muster but if you could do so for the sake of mere kindness, I would appreciate it."

"As you wish. I must admit I am hardly on the level of Morrigan when it comes to insults or constant disapproval of everything Alistair thinks or says."

"No, but please don't add to it if you can resist. I have been told, Alistair was recruited by the Grey Wardens before he was to take his vows. Thus, he never become lyruim addicted. Thank the Maker at least for that mercy. He actually was very close to Duncan. Seems he looked up to him almost as a father or a savior of sorts. He wasn't happy being a Templar so it would seem?"

"That would explain the moodiness I have observed. Why he plays at gaining your sympathy so much, maybe? I couldn't imagine the man worse off than he already is? I am eternally grateful that my father never fancied me as a student for the Chantry. I appreciate their skills and discipline. I would never take such vows though to become addicted to such a substance. It seems to addle the mind some from my short encounters with the few I actually tried to hold a conversation with."

"Not to mention their vows to disregard contact with women in any sort of intimate way."

"That would definitely have led me to seek a better form of training and living out my life. I don't believe, ..no, I know, my father and I have written to each other over the years. It was his wish that I do marry and have a family of my own someday. With this Blight though, how his dreams must weigh on him much too harshly now. I know they do my own."

"Than…you are not engaged to anyone at this moment? I was sure that you were seeking that sort of arrangement. At least something more permanent than, well ,..a convenient stranger."

"Why would you ask me such a thing and what does it matter to you?"

"Don't present me as such an uncaring creature. You know me better than all of that. I only asked out of kindness. I could, well,… write a letter for you, or at least give you leave to see your family if you must. Not for too long, mind you, but especially now, one shouldn't be entirely separated from those that they truly love."

"My Lady, I can only imagine how much your heart must ache for even a moments more time with your own family. I shouldn't have been so harsh or flippant with you. It just caught me off guard some. Coming from you? I had to be a little suspicious.

I am not involved, romantically, with any woman at the present time. I would like to get word to my father but, I am able to write with my own hand and did so during my recovery in Lothering. Thank you though for your kind consideration of my well-being."

"You are welcome. A little disappointed though, I will admit. I was sure by now, someone had caught your eye and well…you mentioned your father's wishes. It is only wise that he wish you a more stable, honorable, life than that of a ..less discrete or unencumbered soldier."

"Now you speak of things like propriety, I see. Not always a luxury when you are called out to service on a moments notice is it, now? Last I heard you yourself were still giving your parents no end of grief because you still turned down suitors quite regularly. I seem to recall, we had a visitor along those lines before all of this mayhem took place."

"Did you men not have anything more amusing to distract you from your boredom than my troubles?"

"Not really. Nothing was more amusing than discussing your latest tragedy. Or would it be better to place that label on the poor men who found themselves caught in your spiders web?"

"What a horrible way to put things, Rory! You of all people know how tedious and unwelcome any suitor was to me. Let us not carry on this discussion any further, please! I would feel much better at least if you would call me Tara, though."

"Yes, of course, Tara. Give me some time. I am rather distracted right now. That salve you are using does sting some. Hopefully these scars will not leave too horrendous a mark but my hopes are dim on this matter."

"One would expect some scarring on a very brave man."

"Or a very, clumsy one. Take your pick? I can't say it looks very attractive to me. At least my face has survived without any severe scarring. My head though? I fear this thumping inside of it is here to stay. I can endure all of that if only these nightmares will cease from tormenting me."

"That I can understand too well."

"I heard, Alistair, talking to you about nightmares. Related to the darkspawn? I know they are such hideous creatures but the idea that the two of you are having similar dreams? How is this so? Are they really so connected?"

"Apparently so, since we are having the same dreams. I am still learning all that is involved with being ..well…tainted by the darkspawn."

"This taint? How do you get it? I heard of some sort of ritual one must go through to become a Grey Warden but little else? What is that all about?"

"I'm not at liberty to say, Rory. Please don't press me on the matter."

"So many secrets. I only ask because you know I want to be a Grey Warden as well. Even before all of this, it seemed to me that I needed to move on to something else."

"Yes, I remember your mentioning that. We would have been sorely weakened by your leaving us but at least you had the freedom to choose your fate."

"In some respects, that might be true. Since Duncan didn't take me when he had the need to, I am not sure how to ratify that choice. Is it because of the urgency of the situation at Highever or maybe, he was only using my inquiry as a cover to recruit you? I can't see why, honestly. Not to discredit your talents. You fight better than many of the teryn's soldiers. He was not too happy at times of this fact. Moreso I suspect because he feared you would insist on assisting in an active military conflict or worse, run off with some army to escape your so called imprisonment at the Castle."

"If he had any honest regard on that situation he should have spent more of his idle time examining some of the choices he had made to lead me to such thoughts in the first place."

"On that I can hardly disagree."

"Would that I was born a boy instead of a girl. That would have made my life so much easier and acceptable to me."

"My ..Tara. No matter how unhappy you have been at times, I at least and so I would say your parents for the most part, are very happy you are a woman. I am sure I could find a long list of others who would agree with me on that point as well."

"How like a man you think sometimes, Rory."

"How else am I suppose to think? Being of that gender born."

"You see being female as something delicate and fragile. Something that must be protected and maybe even worshipped. Have you already forgotten what you told me about the seizure of Highever? How many of those women had ever even considered taking up a sword or bow to defend themselves? Not that the men did not fight bravely. I know many of them did. But the women? They were left defenseless. Oriana didn't have the skill or aptitude to protect her own son from the slaughter. To find yourself so defenseless? To have to endure such humiliation, cruelty? At least I always had a jeweled knife at my side at all times. I would rather end my life than to be left to such a fate or play the victim for the enjoyment or sheer brutality of any man."

"It would be understandable. Though in some part of me, I would hope you could have endured, if only to get revenge on anyone who sought to harm you in such a despicable manner. Please, let's not talk anymore of such things. For days, I had no idea if you actually made it out of Highever alive and then after the news of Ostagar? I am so blessed to see you here, safe and basically unharmed. It was my fervent wish that it be so. At least, I can bear my wounds with more courage knowing it was not all in vain."

"I fear you are a braver man than I am a woman, Rory, than. I could take the whip, if need be. The rest? As you say, enough of that. You were still curious about how Morrigan played a part in our rescue at Ostagar, correct?"

"Fascinated now that I know something odd had taken place. You mentioned a head wound? Being unconscious for some time? Was it very long?"

"At least a full days time. You do know that Morrigan is a shaper shifter right?"

"I have heard as much but haven't actually seen it for myself."

"She is, an interesting character. Her mother though! She is much more accomplished and apparently we, Alistair and I, played an important part in her schemes to overcome the Blight. I still do not see how a mere Princess warranted such a dramatic rescue from an obscure stranger? I only surmised it was a thank you for our not attacking Morrigan when we first encountered her looking for Grey Warden documents. Oh, Rory, we came across so many of the dead. One group, might have been recruits as well. At least that is what was hinted at by Alistair. So when you question the requirements of becoming a Grey Warden, keep in mind, we are tested, sorely tested, before we are accepted. If we can survive the initiation."

"I see. If only I was able to join up. I do not fear any sort of initiation. If you can endure it, surely, so can I?"

"I don't know what really determines whether we pass the tests or not? It is not purely based on skill I'm afraid to say."

"It must not be a written test or however did Alistair pass?"

"Again, such hostility? He is hiding some things from me. I'm sure of it."

"I would hope so. If he forgets his place I will be happy to remind him of it whenever you ask."

"I see no reason at all to fear him in that regard. He has always been a gentleman. So much so that I suspect he must have been raised or at least tutored alongside someone who was better schooled in etiquette and manners. His formality seems suspect."

"Oh he could have picked that up anywhere on the streets of Denerim. Of course you could try any man's sense of propriety."

"That really isn't being fair, is it? You cannot compare how a woman acts when she is in love with a man verses how she treats all men in general. It just isn't right. Never the less had he been a more practiced thief than maybe I would be more suspicious of his motives in that regard. He has no such skills. Yet, he recognizes people of position, those even I find myself wondering about and I have met quite a few dignitaries in my time. No, even being left to the Chantry, there are more secrets I am curious to uncover."

"Enough about all of that. So you say it was Morrigan's mother who actually rescued you from the Tower? How can that be?"

"I will tell you but it is very farfetched. She turned herself into an enormous bird, swooped in and carried us back to the Korcari Wilds. How is that for a tale of suspense?"

"Pretty farfetched if you ask me but than here you are? Some sort of magic had to be involved. I suppose a giant bird is as good as all of the rest of the other possibilities."

"I am almost sorry I missed the view of the flight. Alistair was recovered sooner than I was so maybe he can tell you more about that adventure."

"He is sure to embellish it so much that I will have to have had at least a few pints of ale or a strong bottle of wine to maintain my good temperament."

"I'd almost accuse you of being jealous listening to the way you sometimes put down Alistair so?"

"I would merely point out how quick you are to defend the man who clearly must push your level of intelligence and patience to its' limits."

"All of that is tempered by my lessons in compassion and self-worth. We are not orphans, well, at least I wasn't raised as such. I am now but that matters not right now. It is a far cry from the hardships Alistair must have endured growing up with little love and guidance in this often cruel and unthinking world. Please, Rory, do not let what happened at Highever change you so much that I can no longer recognize the man I greatly admired for his common sense and bravery."

"I am sorry to disappoint you than milady, … Tara. I do not appreciate anyone who finds it too amusing to avoid answering my simple questions regarding his past. We must share this space and I like knowing as much as possible what I am up against. Since we must close our eyes to sleep some times."

"Always so diligent, aren't you? Try. Your difficulties in believing that I myself have not already done that very same thing only earlier rather confounds me though some? Finding ourselves as the only two surviving Grey Wardens and no means to honestly recruit any more leaves the two of us as easy targets."

"Not so easy, my Lady. Or else you would already be dead. I find Morrigan and this mysterious mother to be intriguing. I am more grateful than ever that I found you, still alive. You will just have to live with my need to watch out for you. Call it a force of habit if you must. I will try not to interfere too much in your day to day activities."

"If that includes your snide remarks constantly about my personal life, I assure you, I can live much better without them right now. There is nothing except for your wild imagination."

"So you remember? Than pity me more than rebuke me for it. I merely mean to protect you from any harm."

"I do appreciate your concern. I have survived thus far on my own. With very little help I assure you. Now, please, if you could just sit up right for a moment I can wrap you up to keep your wounds clean. Well, at least as clean as one must accept under such conditions."

"Very well. Give me a moment, to do so. This part is a little more … uncomfortable … for me. If you could just hold down the end of this wrapping, allow me to help pull it around my chest if you don't mind." He tried to instruct her actions but she took the initiative to start wrapping him with clean strips of clothe without understanding his plea none the less. He tried to steel himself. Distract himself from her actions but the pleasant feelings they aroused made it less and less desirable for him to do so. Still, he could not find it comfortable to sit still while she worked, ignoring his feelings completely.

"What is the matter now? I'm almost finished. We have to make this tight or else too much dirt will settle in between."

"Yes, I understand its' purpose. It might help if I demonstrate my predicament for you better?" He than turned rather quickly, catching her off guard, to snatch a strip of clothe from her neatly arranged basket and started to wrap it around her midsection, back and forth until she gained her composure enough to use her hands to stop him from moving up upon her any further.

"Rory, stop this right now! I'm fine and all you are doing is making me upset. What do you think you are doing here?"

"Trying to make you feel how uncomfortable you are making me right now. When you touch yourself it isn't quite the same is it than when I run my hands against you is it now?"

"I ..well ...no ...of course not. If you would just let me do my job, we both will feel a lot more comfortable when it is done."

"If your arms were longer, maybe I wouldn't feel so much of you? Are you starting to see my point, yet? You are usually smarter than that? Or are you so comfortable being so intimate with me that you don't even realize what you are actually doing to me? Or too insensitive to care?"

"I…was really trying my best to not think or …feel too much in the moment. I have to get this around you and it must be done in such a way ..ooohh how am I suppose to do this without getting close to you? It isn't my fault your chest is so big."

"Ah, and when you are brushing yourself up against me, I'm suppose to be distracting myself from, whatever comes to mind when you do such a thing to me? Is that correct?"

"It is! So please, let me finish before you end up making me cry."

"Why would you start crying over that?"

"It's just, you are getting upset with me and I am only trying to help you get better." She sniffled, trying her best not to start whimpering as she spoke obviously hurt from his harsh response.

"I'm sorry, here, if you just pass the binding forward, I can grab it and bring it around so that you won't drive me completely mad before the end of it. Just at least try to uhm… move with a little less of the pressing up against me if you could."

"I'm trying but you are right. I should have thought more on the matter. I suppose you are correct also, that I am rather use to being this close to you. So it didn't seem like I needed so much more caution than usual. Here you go, than. Pull it tightly and make sure it is lining up correctly or…"

"….I know it will get dirty."

"Thank you for understanding."

"You do know, I really didn't want to tell you about, what you were doing a moment ago."

"I'm not at all surprised. I was more surprised that you found the temperance to bring the subject up at all. I did notice. How could I not? But the need to get you bandaged up properly outweighed any impropriety on my part. I'm sure nurses in the field hardly give it a moments notice."

"That may be. I cannot say the same for those men who are forced to sit through it all though? I can only speak for myself."

"True, now we are almost finished up here. I just need you to pull this forward one more time and I can tie up this loose end. Is it more comfortable on your side or in front of you, for me to tie this off at?"

" I think the front is easier for me to remove right now. If you would just come around to the front of me here, I can hold onto it until you can tie the end for me."

She moved around him and had to almost sit in his lap to face him and reach the end. So far, she had been talking to keep her mind off of how close they were right now. It would be a terrible lie to say she didn't miss being held in his arms and to kiss him when the mood struck her. He smelled wonderful and everything was just so familiar. Almost like being home. When times were much happier and it was safe for the two of them to really be in love.

"Are you almost finished there?" Hum?

"I can't seem to get this around.. underneath the other one, just give me another moment. I'm afraid I don't do this too often."

"Have you ever bandaged up another man before?" He asked her just to tease her some.

"Not quite this much if that is what you are wondering. How else can I explain why I am having …so … much … trouble … here with you!"

"I can make up a few reason if you wish? Of course they would all be because of me and how you must still feel when you are so close to me but I thought you rather that I didn't share that much with you right now." He spoke to her in a low, heavy, seductive, tone that he knew drew her complete attention. At least he was pleased that it still made her so nervous.

Instinctively she paused to look around her, afraid that someone else might be listening or pick up on how vulnerable she felt just than. It was just a moment though and she found her voice finally to speak up and try to offer back to him a convincing lie. "And, you would be right. There! That better hold! If it doesn't let me know and I will try to tie it another way."

"Tara? It's fine. This has been hard on both of us for so many reasons. This was more than I could ever ask of you to do for me right now. After all of the hurt and pain we both went through years before. I feel rather awkward. I feel so much older now even though we both know it wasn't really so very long ago when we were very comfortable or it might be better to describe it as pleasantly uncomfortable in each other's arms."

"Rory, I was hoping you wouldn't bring any of that up right now." She stated as she brushed his hand purposely away from her face just than.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you…"

"I just get upset too easily these days. It isn't about you, just, … everything else that has been happening in my life right now too. I hope you can understand this?"

"Of course I can. Maybe much better than I ever did before. Here, just rest your head against me. I promise to behave myself. You were as much a sister to me as you were so much more than that over time. How many times did you run up to your father, than later even to me when you were older, when you fell down and hurt yourself or after some cruel lecture from one of your parents? I don't think I can remember them all right now? I didn't mind then and I certainly understand now why you need that type of comfort and reassurance. You were always so brave but even brave little girls get frightened and bruised somehow? Let's not punish each other too much for what happened in the past, shall we?"

"That was what I was just telling myself earlier. Something father said to me, hoping that I would find some way to forgive him for his cruelty. Of course, I could not, but he was still my father. In every other way, he was the best father a daughter could ever wish for. Oh, Rory, I miss them all so very much." She broke down crying and he held her close, rocking her some as he rubbed the back of her neck.

"I know. I miss my friends too…Ser Swindon…he was so brave. The agony in his voice … I fear will haunt me forever." Rory squeezed her tight wishing that he never had to let her go. All he could think about than was how much he didn't want to lose her too. He would do anything just to keep her with him but a small voice warned him to take his time. If he pushed too hard, she was sure to run away."

"I..uhm…really should be going now, Rory. Thank you, for doing that. I just needed that moment to remember what it really felt like again. Holding myself, it really doesn't work all that well I'm afraid."

"No, it doesn't. Do you really have to go now? I really don't mind this. I know it must have been so hard on you. For too long. When I lost my mother…I can't say I took it very well in the beginning."

"I want to stay but we both know neither one of us are in such a place that we can emotionally handle anymore heart break. I know at least I can't right now. I hope you feel better soon. I really did miss you and a part of me will always love you. I just don't want you to feel so alone because you really aren't."

"Thank you." He whispered quietly, kissing the top of her head briefly. "For everything."

"You are most welcome." Tara forced herself to leave now before she really did start to cry out loud. She really did want to stay with him. In his arms she was sure she could finally rest at ease. Even if they were attacked in their camp, he would be right there at her side and she knew what he would do. How he would move. Most of all she remembered how he would brush up against her, reminding her that he had her back, without ever having to say a word. She trusted him with her life. It was her heart that she wasn't so sure about.

Roland watched reluctantly as she gathered up her basket and carefully made her way back to where her tent laid. He wanted so much to give her a thousand reasons why she should stay with him. He was vulnerable and needed her close in case they needed to move fast. More than that, he needed to hold her close to him again. Tell her that he will only, always, love her. He needed her now. To love her and help him forget all of the bad thoughts and feelings running through his head, now, night after night.

Late in the evening, he would stay up watching over her, if only at a distance. He couldn't relieve himself of the feeling that Howe must be out there looking for her. Waiting to finish the job he started in eliminating any one who might have a claim to Highever.

Just the very thought of Howe made his blood curdle. He wanted to sink his sword deep into that man's chest. Feel the blade stabbing in, than cutting his very heart out! Ripping than through his body, taking out his guts and liver watching them all fall needlessly onto the floor. He wanted to hear him scream in agony, reminding him of how many of their people suffered, were tortured, than died because of his actions. Never, never had Rory ever enjoyed taking another person's life. It was always done out of complete necessity. Never needlessly or for the thrill of the kill. He would not dishonor his name or his prey in such a way. But this man, this creature, that is now Howe, this had become something inhuman. Like the dozen's of darkspawn he had already laid waste to along their journey, so Howe was now, beyond human and he feared that only the most vile of treatment will finally put his evil to rest.

He only hoped now that it would not be too long before he could see this work done. As long as that man lived, he knew Tara would know no peace. Now he knew for sure as well, that she still must carry some fear or resentment in her heart over him as well. This too made his heart sink inside. She didn't trust him. Even enough to take comfort when he knew how much she needed it right now. He must find some way to prove to her he was still worthy at least as her friend? That was not going to be so easy a task he reasoned sadly to himself.

Oh, Tara, he watched her kneel down cautiously to enter into her lonely tent. These bandages did help to hold him all together but they did nothing to mend his broken heart. He could tell, it was just like in days past. She felt it too. Now once more though he felt he was fifteen again, starting all over, to woo the girl, now the women, he was sure destiny had created just for him. He only prayed that it wasn't too late. That Templar better know his place! Tara wasn't a little girl any longer and Rory realized he better not play around too much if he really did want to secure his love once more.

What more could stand in their way? Sure, a twenty foot, fire breathing dragon for instance? No, even that he knew he would slay to keep her with him. Her kisses, her caresses, he just had to have more of her or else he rather just die. His heart could not stand to suffer much longer without her in his life once more.

"Roland? Are you all right over there?" Alistair spoke up seeing how Tara was in his tent for some time but was leaving now to reach her own. He couldn't help but notice that she seemed rather upset as she walked quietly back to her tent. Looking back than he saw how intently she held Gilmore's gaze while observing that she didn't even notice he was doing so. Or really seem to care.

"See? All wrapped up. I'll be better in no time." Rory smiled back over at Alistair, quickly glancing over toward Tara once more to emphasize that she was with him just now.

"That's good to hear. Pain a little bit less or is it getting worse?"

"Worse? I'm not sure what you mean but things are getting better for me I hope."

Alistair decided to move in closer to Rory's tent to tell him what really was on his mind at that moment. He could see that Roland was starting to dream about a time, he thought, might be better left into the past. He wasn't about to let Roland hurt her again if he could help it.

"Roland, she told me some about you and what happened with her parents. You don't even realize how much you hurt her when you left her before. I don't want to see you use her because she is vulnerable right now."

"Speak for yourself, Alistair. Let the lady decide but don't think I don't love her. That would be your first mistake."

"Oh, I don't doubt that. But what is love to man like you? Dedication? Devotion? Have you ever, even suffered for your so called loss? It seems to me that you found other ways to ease that suffering and took full advantage while you left her to her fate. Just don't let things like love get in the way of your having a good time, right? I'd hate to have her think you suffered the same sort of loss that she did."

"And tell me, how would you know so much about sacrifice? What have you given up that was so important? I don't' see it? So now you are a mighty Grey Warden. Finally you have some purpose in your life, besides getting drunk or wasted in some other form? You are right. She isn't some common wench. Not that I find that any woman should be treated disrespectfully. I knew her parents."

"And they didn't approve of you at all, did they?"

"No. If that is so about me what do you think they would think of someone like you? I don't mean this disrespectfully but you did bring that up. In every other way, I was an important part of Highever."

"Just not good enough or noble enough for their daughter's hand. Still, you defied that order didn't you? How noble is that?"

"It wasn't something I plotted out if that is what you are insinuating. Things just happened. I tried to ignore it but she kept encouraging me. Only a real fool would turn his back on someone like her."

"Or a selfish, opportunist, perhaps? Not that I don't understand the temptation. It must have been ..well…a difficult task ..to try to pretend someone … so… wonderful …is merely a dream. What I find more amusing is that you really have no idea who I am, do you? Now that is funny! So much the man about town you are."

"Am I suppose to know who you are? Since I only know you as you are right here, it can't be anything that important. Please, now, just give me my own space. I mean you no disrespect. My feelings for Tara are my own. It would be wise if you let us be. I promise you, I would never hurt her. That is all you really need to know."

"I appreciate your volunteering with us, Gilmore. I can't say I am too impressed with your attitude sometimes. Sure, I haven't been racked up lately but I really try my best not to get myself in too much of a tricky situation, when it can be avoided. We all drink so to point out the obvious? What is the point in that? Let us just at least try to work together? Or at least around each other. Not too much of course. As for anything else, time will tell I suppose." He looked up now, as if expecting the Maker to send him a kind of sign, something, to convince him that he might be on his side for once. Seeing nothing and feeling that he might have some reign finally on his emotions, he spoke more from his heart.

"She is more than just beautiful. She is smart, well mannered, brave and her heart is true. Something of a rare find. Even moreso in these trying times. I admire her greatly but I think you already figured that part out, didn't you?" Alistair started out seriously, than tossing in a flippant spin, least he grow too vulnerable to this man's sharp tongue. It was a poor disguise of his real admiration of her.

"I have. I will respect her wishes of course. I will than just have to put my trust in her, "good heart", to see her through all of the rest on this matter. Please excuse me. I need to get some rest."

"You seem so confident in the Lady's affections? I mean after all that transpired between the two of you, even just now?"

"Apparently, than you know quite a lot. If that is true, than you would know my real feelings for the Lady. True, my actions, the way I have lived my life since, has made a poor impression on her. This is understandable. My motives though are not so clear or my reasons for doing so…were more steered by circumstances rather than the working of my heart."

"A weakness than I still fail to understand or accept. I know enough of your dealings with Tara. Enough to know that I would never use her so poorly. My upbringing was not as poor as perhaps I let others believe. I have my reasons for that of course. It's just…don't you feel that … you have caused her enough suffering? Maker's sake, man, haven't we enough to deal with here than for you to take advantage of her situation, as well?"

"Take advantage? You seriously do not see how things were between us, in our past than. I understand though this lack of foresight in you. At least how it appears to be in the moment. I only…offer my protection, … my comfort, if she feels the need to use me so… once more. As you so plainly put it, it was all I was allowed under the circumstances. I am not however the blackguard you would like to paint me out to be. No matter how skillful you might be with your brush. Just a man who fell in love with a maid who he deluded himself into believing that one day she could be his own. So condemn me man, all that you please, but do not misrepresent me as something I was not, nor will ever be, at least as far as she is ever concerned."

"You say than, with all due honesty, that you feel no betrayal than of your heart or in your hand against her for the outcome of years past?"

"From her? How can that be fair to claim? She knew better and so too did I. We were young and young people, find it oh so easy to rebel against those in authority. I can say, she played my heart like a finely tuned harp. Magnificently too I might add. It was so innocent. So real and sometimes so passionate, words, they just have no place in any of it truthfully. It was her parents, more so her mother, who fought so against us. Now however, I hold no more claim to her heart than you do it seems?"

"What makes you so sure?"

"Why, she told me this herself."

"She did?"

"So she did but I had already deduced that. In all honesty, I'd say she is too overcome by the loss of her family, the uncertainty of her brother's fate and than still her own to dwell on more personal dilemmas. You see than, we are both tossed at sea as it were. I'd wish you luck but you know, that would be dishonest of me to do so."

"I do not hold the affection of any woman so lightly as you seem to have done in the past. Just know, I will not stand idly by to allow you ever to use her ever in such a way that would dishonor her title or her station in this life."

"Ah, her title and station it is than? Does that buy her more respect than any other woman in your eyes? Be careful what you wish for, if your wish is to improve your own station in life. The woman is rather abhorrent to opportunist. Considering her training and her skills? I'd recommend that if that be your main quest, best that you skip her and spare your life. Besides, her fortune lays in the hands of Arl Howe now it seems."

"I meant nothing of the kind! Merely that a Lady deserves to be treated as such. Even in a Blight or whatever may befall us in action. As for Howe, well, all of that will be made right in due course. I'll see Loghain's head on a platter served up well to all of the people here in Fereldon soon enough! King Cailan will have his revenge on that man through me! I swear though I'd cut you down myself if you dare to take advantage of her in any way."

"Ooohh…such threats! I mean, surely you can back up such a claim? As much as it might tickle my fancy to meet you in a challenge, over a woman no less! Humm …I'm sure Tara would argue it would be a waste of necessary resources on my part. I am better trained than all of that. Above all, the Lady admires wisdom, fortitude, in an individual over foolish chauvinism, so I will pretend you didn't make such an offer to resolve this issue so easily."

"You pompous…ass!"

"Ah, ah! Remember what I just offered up to you. Some timely wisdom. Use it to your advantage. Anger my friend, will not aid you when you face a serious opponent. I will not waste such energy but use my mind to chart out my course of action instead. Focusing on how the fight is played out, not the feelings and emotions it conjures up inside of me."

"I do understand and don't believe I am so ill trained that I cannot do that very same thing to defeat my enemies when called upon. Templar moves, invoke such concentration and I have mastered them well enough. Not to mention my use of a sword is quite deadly when challenged."

"I don't doubt that you can swing a sword around. You might even get a lucky hit. Once, maybe even twice but only to give me the advantage of taking a deadlier cut in return. Worry not though! This is all just foolish chatter! I hope not to have to waste my time or energy fighting with you. I will not relinquish my love for her. Even if I lose at this game, we now admit, we both may be playing at. No matter what feelings I may still have, only Tara knows her own heart. Neither of us can rule over it. At least on my part, I do not wish it to be so. I'm more than insulted that you want to believe I have some intention of tricking her or cheating her in some dishonorable way for her love in some revenge vendetta for the past. I'm as honorable as you are. I have proven my worth. Just in your knowing that once, I held her heart should be evidence enough that I am more of a man than you would like to suppose me to be. Right now though, this discussion cannot bring about any solutions, so just…let's be done with it." He waved his arm upward and letting it fall down by his side, as if all would magically disappear by his prompting it to be so. The racing of his heart and the pounding in his head prompted him to fear he will only explode if he didn't remove himself from this situation at once!

Would that it all could be settled neatly with the drawing of his sword but he knew otherwise. To hurt this man would be wrong. He was no more the fool than himself in these matters. And Tara must now feel even more distressed than ever. Oww…he winced, wanting desperately to just walk out this pain but knowing it would be wiser if he just tried to rest. It was his thoughts and this unrelenting desire within him that he wanted desperately to be rid of right now. In the past, he knew that cajoling with his friends and some very friendly women worked at least in the moment. All of that though now isn't enough. Not if Tara's hand could be his prize. He wondered if all of this was a mistake? Seeing her, being near her, having her so close but not being able to really have her? It was maddening. With this added pain from his injuries to keep reminding him that maybe, maybe, after all of this suffering, all can be made right once again. If that be so than why this new distraction? Why put an even heavier obstacle in their way of finally having the happiness he knew could be their's, if they just had the courage to once again trust each others pledge. Nothing makes sense.

The Blight, that is real and that is what they all need to focus on right now. The rest was and may always end up being just a fantasy instilled neatly within his head. There at least it nestled safely, unmarred by all of the real things actually swirling on around them in a cacophony of unbelievable but still very real madness. Madness! The word echoed in his thoughts as he finally laid back on his bedroll, trying his best now to ignore how painful the ground under him made his wounds feel right than.

Madness, it is all around him. Best to not let it suck him into it or else he will be of no use to anyone.

Rest. That is what he had to focus on. Let his dreams be what they may. He closed his eyes to let his mind find something else to think about. The memory of Tara's lying up against him in a warm embrace. It felt so amazing to be with her once more but it ended much too soon. Still, it was a moment, so he tried to pretend how much he wanted her here with him right now. To fall asleep knowing she would never leave him and always seek the comfort of his arms to hold her, to keep her safe at night. So many things he always wanted to share with her to please and comfort her he thought, bringing a wry smile to his face just than. He tried to force himself with these thoughts into some much needed slumber.

"Of course." Was Alistair's automatic reply before he moved with a heavy heart to return back to his work at hand. Would that he could have known her as child. He knew he stood little chance compared to this over-confident, swaggering, war hero. He couldn't miss how often he caught Tara looking over this man's way. Or how quickly this Roland guy was to stand besides her, or behind her if need be. He was being pushed aside and he knew it. If only Leliana had more sense to her…? No, all he could trust was that perhaps, Roland's past behavior would prove to Tara that he was inconsistent in character, before making any final judgments. He went back to sharpening his sword and mentally reciting the litany of instructions his trainer demanded that they keep memorized. It often helped him stay distracted when other more unpleasant thoughts would try to invade his mind and make him upset. Feelings, thoughts, that bruised your concentration and could cost you your life. For whatever that was worth these days he reasoned morosely.


End file.
